Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Never...


Never let others define your choices.

Never stay just because it's easier than leaving.

Never be dependent on anyone financially, emotionally or otherwise.

Never let others talk you out of something you know is right for you.

Never allow mediocrity. Period.

Never mistake fear for common sense.

Never be boring.

Never be less than you know you can be.

Never think about a "ceiling" where your goals are concerned and if you do, imagine it to be the fragile, breakable kind.

And mostly...

Never EVER give up.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Quote of the Day



The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.

~ Alice Walker ~

Why Aging Doesn't Suck, Reason #29 - Tilda Swinton



Because at 50, she is the face of iconic Scottish label Pringle whose successful relaunch has as much to do with Swinton's endorsement as it does their clothes.

Because she openly lives, well.. openly - juggling a committed, long term relationship with additional paramours should the mood strike her (which is exactly how she met her current boyfriend whilst still married), and nary a modicum of shame about her non-traditional lifestyle is evident anywhere.

Because she makes makes androgyny sexy and gender irrelevant whether it's her Flock of Seagulls inspired tresses, or the roles she chooses (she has played Mozart on stage, an Elizabethan nobleman in Orlando and an androgynous angel in Constantine).

Because she made this startlingly honest declaration much to the delight of mothers everywhere, "I think I enjoy my work now even more simply because it's even easier than it was. It sounds sacrilegious to say that anything's a delight when you're away from your children, but the truth is that it is refreshing to only have yourself to dress in the morning, and to lie diagonally across the bed. Making films, going round the world on tour - all these crazy things that were so difficult before are so much easier than breastfeeding twins for 14 months that frankly it is a delight."

Merry Christmas Bitches


Here's to defining ourselves by virtue of our integrity, character, style, wit, empathy, love, selflessness and friendship.

Here's to injecting each moment with truth, levity, honor, and passion.

Here's to reminding ourselves never to sit in judgment, monitor all thinking and steering the mind from fear to faith.

And finally, here's to wisdom, women and a good glass of wine.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

All Herald V Magazine



The always exhilarating V Magazine launched it's Who Cares About Age issue - a knockout featuring Jane Fonda on the cover and a stunning editorial featuring 4 former supermodels, all of whom are well over 50, and all of whom continue to captivate with their ageless beauty, divine style and of course the intangible special sauce that makes some women just get better with age. Check it out.

http://www.vmagazine.com/2010/11/v66-winter-20102011-the-who-cares-about-age-issue/

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Outrageous Story from the UK on an Aging TV Host




Countryfile presenter warned over wrinkles
5 November, 2010

Former Countryfile presenter Miriam O’Reilly was warned “to be careful with those wrinkles when high definition comes in” just nine months before she was dropped from the programme by the BBC, a tribunal has heard.

O’Reilly, 53, is suing the broadcaster for sex and age discrimination after losing her job when the show was moved to a primetime slot.

In a witness statement handed to the tribunal, she said comments by Countryfile’s director Dean Jones “sent a shiver down my spine” when he warned her the high definition could be “crunch time” for her BBC TV career in February 2008.

In the statement, she said: “I do not believe that a man would be asked about his wrinkles nor offered hair dye.

“It was clear to me that this was a reflection of the BBC’s view that women on TV needed to look young.”O’Reilly was told she would no longer be working on the rural affairs programme in November 2008.

She said she was “devastated” by the news that she and three other female presenters would lose their jobs when the show relaunched in April 2009 with Julia Bradbury, then 38, and Katie Knapman, then 36.

In her witness statement, she said she was not told why she would not have a role on the programme in its new prime-time slot, only that the show was being “refreshed”.

Three other female Countryfile presenters - Michaela Strachan, 42, Juliet Morris, 52, and Charlotte Smith, 44 - were also dropped from the show, O’Reilly said.

Meanwhile, the show’s main presenter John Craven, 68, and Adam Henson, who was in his 40s, were to be kept on with Ben Fogle, 35, who was given Country Tracks to present.

She added there was nothing in the new version of the show, which now airs at 7pm on Sunday nights, that she could not have done.

The programme is co-presented by Julia Bradbury and Matt Baker.

The tribunal is expected to hear from former BBC controller Jay Hunt, and will look at footage of Ms O’Reilly’s work along with current examples of the show.

The tribunal, which is expected to last 12 days, was adjourned to Friday to allow the bench to watch video footage.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Letting Go of the List




How many of you have THE LIST? You know, that carefully crafted, painstakingly detailed overview of the necessary elements required in the dream man you don't have just yet, but hope to one day, the absence of whom is a daily reminder of the happiness that is pending (and will remain so) until he magically knocks on your proverbial door with at least 9 out of 10 boxes marked CHECK??? Don't be ashamed. For I had it too.

I made it about 4 years ago after a nasty and painful break up with my last serious boyfriend, a much younger man who when not surfing and getting stoned, spent his days in perpetual dreamland, skirting all sense of responsibility while simultaneously finding new ways to languish in mediocrity on our couch. He was nice, and generally good to me, but had one more move than a dead man. He was, in short, dead weight.

After finally wising up, and growing up, I got the hell out, pressed reset, and decided to carve out a future so big and bright, shades wouldn't cover the eclipse-size, storybook relationship I was conjuring up in my head. It's natural to come out of an experience that swings so much one way, the only reasonable response is to come out swinging completely in the other direction. Which is exactly what I did. Hence, THE LIST. Let it be said, I am aware that I over think, that I can analyze the life out of things at the best of times. But when hitting rock bottom in something as important as one's love life, well... I was about to start an all out smear campaign against anyone or anything that resembled my ex-boyfriend. My next man, I proposed, would be powerful, wealthy, alpha, in charge, older (pass the salt and pepper please), the guy who owned the room, any room with his presence and his pocketbook. Together we would over achieve, and become the quintessential power couple. This of course when not being promoted in our respective careers and buying property in many of our favorite global destinations, raising money for important causes not to mention a little family in our eco castle - one likely to adorn the cover of Dwell or Wallpaper Magazine.

What a plan, I marveled, each time I shared THE LIST with friends and family. I learned my lesson, boy. Never again will I fall for Peter Pan. And I didn't. Over the next 3 years, I dated a variety of Alpha's - successful attorneys, hedge fund heavy weights, a successful photographer who paid for his LA home in cash. They all looked good in suits, they all had big careers and they all bored me to death. Well, shit! What the hell was I supposed to do now?

About a year ago, I decided to act on a whim that took me miles off course from THE LIST - namely a sordid and hot affair with a much younger man at my office. It lasted only a few months, but it was more fun than I had had with any of THE LIST guys combined. Then along came an even younger guy - a holiday romance - that had my blood pumping, and my heart racing in ways the ones who were great on paper couldn't elicit to save their lives. Not even close. It was fun, it was sexy, it was LIVING. But in my usual form, I started over analyzing the loveliness the universe brought me in the form of these two fledgling 20-somethings. Why? Neither of these guys looked anything like THE LIST, so what the hell was I doing wasting my time having all this fun? And man were they fun...

As soon as I let myself go just a little, off I'd go with the mental check list of what they lacked, and all the subsequent ways they couldn't possibly be worth my time, for how could I build lives with guys who were just getting started in their careers and still had roommates? I couldn't get past the fact that neither of these zygotes had any of the line items from THE LIST. That fact alone messed with me, and I found myself making demands that neither were remotely capable of, demands that if they conceded, would turn them into exactly the kind of man I was convinced I wanted. They resented me for asking, and I resented them for not being able to step up to the plate.

My friends asked why it was I just couldn't enjoy them for what they were until THE LIST guy came along? To me, this felt like a colossal waste of time. Why expend energy on something that isn't destined to last longer than the dairy products in my fridge? I'd rather leave myself open for the real thing. And so for the next 8 months, I went virtually dateless, blaming the general hardships of co-mingling in the notoriously difficult dating pool of LA as the culprit for the spinster life that seemed destined to stay, not realizing THE LIST was the thing in my way, not Hollywood. What I would come to realize later is that geography may not have been the cause for my woes, but it would be the cure...

New York. New job, new city, new friends, new everything. The only remnants of my old life in Cali were my furniture, clothing, and of course THE LIST. The latter was still firmly ensconced in my belief system as the bullet point by bullet point way to a better life. Convinced I would meet THE LIST guy here - after all, this city is the holy grail for successful men from a myriad of industries, not just entertainment - my friends and I made it our almost regular mission to seek out hot spots where power players mingled, putting on cute dresses and perching ourselves just so, purposely thrusting ourselves amongst the male elite. Energized and eager to explore New York, going out on a regular basis with my girlfriends seemed the perfect remedy to not only meet THE LIST guy, but to leave the crappy memories of Hollywood players and bad boys in the dust.

And so I went on a slew of dates with a new group of alphas from all walks of life - a former professional soccer player turned high end jeweler, a wall street magnate, a partner in a Park Avenue mergers and acquisitions firm, and a famous chef with a stable of restaurants and cook books to his credit. Thing was, they all added up to one big yawn. Not to mention all this constant perching in dull places to keep the dating quotient high was more work than I had energy for. One night, while at an infamous Wall Street hangout where financial types were known to ravage burgers and women with equal aplomb, I found myself more entrenched by the tennis match on the tv, than at the table of suits in the corner. Seems this plan was quickly running it's course and still no sight of my power player. What now?

If THE LIST wasn't going to happen, perhaps I should focus my energies on my new job, making a lovely home for myself, and having fun with my friends instead of forcing the universe to find the needle in haystack when it came to my dating life. As I presented my new outlook to my friends, I was surprised to hear that they had always thought my list was ridiculous and were simply waiting for me to make that realization myself. They had hinted that perhaps I should give it up and just stay open. Which is exactly what I did. Then it happened.

I let go. Before I knew it men started coming in fast and furious. They were all fabulous and cool and smart and hot. They pursued, showed up, were attentive, often romantic, and totally and completely in to me. They all had one thing in common. They were much younger than me. But now it didn't feel wrong. It felt good. And right. I found myself going out more, and trying new things, a sense of newfound adventure that had somehow, over time, slipped away from my once very adventurous soul. Maybe it was LA that did this. Who can say for sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I became certain that it had to do with being so bogged down by a fabricated, self-induced idea of what my life SHOULD look like, I missed actually LIVING it. These younger men were reminding me of what I had been missing, just by virtue of their energy, and lack of agendas in their own lives. They didn't seem to question everything and "take life's temperature" at every moment like I did, virtually sucking the essence out of the gifts I kept missing simply because they didn't resemble what I thought my life should look like.

I started thinking about why the older guys and even men my own age I had dated bored me to tears. And why, as soon as I surrendered this love plan of mine did all these beautiful baby boys start arriving seemingly non-stop? I'm dubious that there is a definitive reason for things such as this but here's what I do know. I've never had more fun, felt more sexy (not to mention the sex itself), powerful, feminine and alive as I have in the last 2 months since I replaced THE LIST with simply following the good feelings that accompanied each lover as he showed up. And from that came the realization that not every dalliance has to lead to something long term or forever or love or commitment. These guys were present, and available, and fun, and engaging, intelligent, vibrant human beings who just wanted to spend time with me. Pure and simple, no agenda.

So that's where I am now. Juggling lots of lovely guys, enjoying each one, and not getting too focused or consumed by any of them. What's amazing is that at exactly the point that feels like it might happen, another one comes along to grab my attention. I can say with confidence I won't be marrying any of them. But I don't care. And that's a first. They feel good and so should life. Maybe I'll still end up with THE LIST guy in the end, but if I do, he'll show up when I least expect it. Because I'm not looking anymore. And I don't CARE. Man that feels good.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

I'm Back

Hi all:

I've been away, settling into this crazy new life in NYC. So much has changed. A detailed posting to come. Can't wait to share with all of you my recent revelations...

A Short Article on Why It's Great to Age

http://holykaw.alltop.com/be-glad-youre-getting-older?tu2=1

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A Great Article from the London Times on Aging


Losing the beauty of an older woman - Are we so used to airbrushed celebrity glamour that we can no longer see the beauty of an older woman?

By Janice Turner

When Madonna did a recent photoshoot for Louis Vuitton, the unretouched images were mischievously leaked to the press. An unflinching close-up of her face, before the airbrush artist had got to work, evokes a complex mix of feelings. Melancholy: even she who has applied her boundless wealth and energy to holding back time has sagging cheeks, an incipient wattle neck. Pity: how cruel to compare this with the “after” image, the tight, sculpted iconic face.

But finally fury: what is wrong with the strong, still-handsome face of a 51-year-old woman? No doubt Madonna has had a little “work” done here and there, but her face is still a fair reflection of her age, the accumulation of her experience, who she is. More so than the plastic fembot who appears in the campaign. Besides, middle-aged women are more able than twentysomethings to afford £700 Vuitton leather goods. Yet advertisers believe no one wants to buy a bag from an “old bag”.

Madonna has forged a career out of smashing taboos about female power and sexuality, but is not willing to take on the final challenge. To stand up, with her trademark insouciance and say: “Yeah, women age, so what. Here I am!” Instead, as Tina Fey put it in 30 Rock, she clings desperately onto youth with her “Gollum arms”.

The untouched image of Madonna would fit well into a photographic exhibition to be launched at the National Theatre, called Infinite Variety. It features images of women aged 48 to 95 and is curated by the actress Harriet Walter, who is appearing there in Thomas Middleton’s bloodsoaked drama Women Beware Women. Fittingly, her character Livia, a scheming aristocrat, reveals how the iniquitous treatment of older women is a timeless theme. In the play a 55-year-old Duke marries a 16-year-old girl promising status and wealth in exchange for sex. But when Livia offers the same deal to a lush young man, she faces public disgust. One is reminded immediately of Madonna and her 23-year-old lover Jesus Luz.

The exhibition, could not be more timely: older women broadcasters are rising up against the assumption their faces are repellent to viewers when they pass a certain age. After the sackings of Selina Scott, Anna Ford and Strictly Come Dancing judge Arlene Phillips, Country File presenter Miriam O’Reilly, 53, is suing the BBC for making her and three female colleagues of similar age redundant to be replaced by a younger woman. Meanwhile, older male colleagues kept their jobs.

In Infinite Variety we see plenty of characterful older faces, both actresses — including Vanessa Redgrave and Phyllida Law — and ordinary women, since Walter believes ageing is something “we are all in together”. But shouldn’t we be asking why women are perpetually judged by their physical appearance? Walter says she wasn’t trying to pretend wrinkles and grey hair are as sexy as youthful looks, but to break down disgust about ageing women.

“I think it is still important to broaden the range of what is beautiful,” she says. “What I am trying to put into the show is an inner light in these women, something about how they’ve lived their life. I want older women to feel happier in their skin and younger ones not to worry that the only fate ahead is the surgeon’s knife.”

Walter turns 60 this year, an age she describes as the “foothills of being properly old”. Yet with her trim, poker-backed classical actress’s frame she looks dashing on stage in her bustled red velvet dress.

“Older women complain that they can no longer turn a head,” she says. “Well, I don’t have instant beauty, but if you talked to me for half an hour you might get interested and start to see my face differently. It’s about animation, not just the texture of the skin. Now I look at people on the Tube and I think all of them are beautiful.”

Juliette Binoche once said that “actresses, ultimately, are responsible for the faces we give to women”. But now “civilian” women, as Liz Hurley calls us, have started to resent celebrities who, with their devotion to dieting and surgical procedures, have raised the bar to unattainable levels. Today it is acceptable to admit you are 50, but not to look it.

“Well,” counters Walter, “actresses like me are often not allowed to give women their faces.” She speaks of contemporaries who struggle to get any work. It is a view echoed last week by Juliet Stevenson, Gemma Jones and Lesley Manville, who accused writers of only creating parts for “nubile” women under 30. “All the executives are male,” said Stevenson. “They are chasing young skirt.”

But this is a perpetual lament from actresses. Maybe this disgust is too deep rooted and anthropolgical to overcome: attractiveness is so connected with perceived fertility, which seems why men — potent until much later — are forgiven for getting older. As Martin Amis once said “45 for women is an animal birthday”. Well, says, Walter drily “We have overcome our prejudices in other areas with our evolved intellects, so why not this one. We no longer drag women into caves by their hair, for example.”

If we stop being so repelled by ageing faces, we will bear to see them on TV, maybe then the experiences of a whole strata of the population will be told. “That is what upsets a lot of women: that my story doesn’t count. I play a small part on TV and I think “why don’t we focus on my character? She could be very interesting.” But they don’t. You’re just a function of the plot and that is very hard to swallow. And yet when you put a camera on anyone for 90 minutes, it is so intimate, you will fall in love with that person. It is just we are less likely to do that with an older woman.”

The problem is, Walter explains, women are cast in relation to men. A male detective can be anything between 40 and 55: but his wife or daughter must then fit a narrow age band. Also since drama is about conflict and responsibility it has been dominated by male figures and domains. “But now,” says Walter, “there are lots of arenas in which women are taking major decisions.”

And there is cause for optimism that film studios have realised older women will pay to see themselves on screen, will turn out in gangs to watch Mamma Mia or Sex and the City. Meanwhile, this year’s Baftas went to women playing middle-aged politicians: Rebecca Front as a minister in In the Thick of It and Julie Walters playing Mo Mowlam.

Moreover, when Harriet Walter rang her Los Angeles agent, to discuss working in American TV, joking that she’d obviously have to get a facelift first, he replied, “no longer”. Walter says: “He said it is becoming a problem shooting these faces which look so odd, they have to work out special camera angles. We were always taught at drama school that if you think something, it is reflected in your face. Surgery irons that out. You can’t do the often very minute expressions you need to do on screen. And facelifts homogenise people.

“We like to see real women’s faces on screen. Not just women but men too. I’ve never met a man who likes plastic surgery.”

Walter says she notices when friends have a little procedure. “I’m not a fascist about it. I sometimes think, oh, clever old you!”, but abhors the knife herself. It helps, she says, that she was never cast for her beauty, was accustomed as a young actress to see big parts go to more gorgeous near-contemporaries such as Greta Scacchi. And now she has crossed through from the tricky thirties and forties, when actresses are struggling to remain youthful, into the more forgiving territory of late middle age.

Indeed Walter, who has never married or had children, but lived for many years with the actor Peter Blythe until his death in 2004, has found herself a new man.

She won’t name him, but says he’s an American stage actor, a year her senior. “We met when I was doing Mary Stuart on Broadway. So he saw me looking like Elizabeth I. I said to him, ‘I may be the queen on stage but I’m not in the bedroom!’” She guffaws. They live on separate sides of the Atlantic but communicate for hours by Skype.

“The thing that younger women don’t understand,” she says, “is most of us don’t want to be younger. I am having a good time and my life is positive. I still dress well and have a sex life. What I want to say is it is not a crime or a shame to age. It is a fact. Let’s stop running away from it.” If only Madonna was so brave.

Friday, August 27, 2010

On Line Dating Deal Breakers - East Coast Style


I was hoping I would run out of items after the first, West Coast installment. But no, New York has offered up some new and dare I say, improved viral pecadillos.

(1) "Mr. Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge." If you cite possessing an "open mind" and seek the same in your ideal date, know that I'm on to your veiled code for "I want to have threesomes with guys and girls and do all sorts of weird stuff like pee on you." NOT - GOING - TO - HAPPEN.

(2) "Out of State Nate". My profile clearly states I am looking for someone "WITHIN 10 MILES OF NEW YORK CITY." Georgia, Florida, Texas, Arizona and (today's 'tard), San Diego do not qualify. Me with my 10th grade education should not be pointing out anything you can find in a high school text book. Like basic geography.

(3) "The Chubster". If your profile photo reminds me of a sumo wrestling, pie eating champion, citing "average build" on your profile isn't going to convince me you aren't a regular at your local all-you-an-eat buffet. See, the two holes in my face allow me to VISUALLY ASSESS THINGS. By all means, write what you want. The jig is up.

(4) "I'm ready for my close up. Not." If the only profile photo you post is shot with a lens longer than a schooner, I'm guessing you have skin like Edward James Olmos, or a belly that turns corners five seconds before the rest of you does. Women are way more forgiving than men when it comes to looks, and here's a tip; if you own your lack of physical prowess, and embrace things like humor, intelligence, and chivalry, we might just overlook your weird rib cage and unruly eyebrows.

(5) "Talky McTalkerson". Hey asshole, whilst on a date, try asking me something about myself instead of rambling on like Rainman on stimulants. While it would be nice to land a fancy hedge fund manager, I'm not interested in the historical, minutae of how you structured your latest venture. I know you're trying to impress, but when I rush the waiter to bring me my third espresso in as many minutes, you might want to take the hint that I'm about to fall asleep. And I obviously don't care about my breath anymore which should further clue you in to the fact that something has gone awfully wrong - namely your mouth!

Friday, August 13, 2010

You Can Always Go Home


It's been 6 weeks to the day that I made the move from Los Angeles to NYC to start a new life, a new job, a new everything. As I settle into my stunning, peaceful West Village abode after nearly three weeks of corporate housing in possibly the busiest section of any city, anywhere - Times Square (did I mention I also work there?) - I finally have a moment to take stock of this gorgeous manifestation I have managed to call in for myself. Not even 2 months into this new adventure and I can already honestly say, what a ride it's been.

The practical, logistics of a cross country move are challenging at best. Forecasting the laborious and consuming nature of closing up a new life while simultaneously trying to carve out a new one is as predictable as my iPhone dropping calls. This includes but is not limited to managing early morning crazies at the requisite garage sale as unwanted clutter is unceremoniously cleared away, packing (and unpacking), forwarding the mail, turning things off (gas, electricity), turning them back on at the new location, selling my expensive hybrid car in a recession, and getting Time Warner to haul ass and hook up the cable/internet before I'm officially too old to have children. This in addition to finding a new place, lugging my bare necessities from my friend's house - where I stayed the first week - to corporate housing (floor 3), packing that up and moving to floor 7 (where I was told it would be much quieter - it wasn't), then hauling it all to my West Village apartment while managing a disorganized, chaotic trifecta of movers that managed to lose my nightstand, among other things, and burned a hole in my Ligne Roset sofa.

There was a time, not that long ago, when a move simply entailed the transport of a few suitcases, putting my futon on Craigs List, and notifying the post office of a change of address. One can quickly define their level of maturity by how long it takes them to pack their entire life up, save for hoarders. For now I come equipped with designer furniture, a top of the line mattress (for proper support doncha know!), real china, and lots of things that need to be wrapped in protective layering. Yes folks, I am an adult. I have the Limoge to prove it.

What I didn't predict was landing at my good friend's NY home that first night, and literally breaking down in a fit of anguished tears, suddenly tortured by the thought that I might have just made the biggest mistake of my life. I had no place to live, was about to enter the corporate world for the first time at a senior executive level, and essentially giving up a perfectly good, in fact great life in sunny So Cal. And for what? Long winters and oppressively humid summers, a daily pace so frenzied, millions of locals literally race to get out of town each Friday, just to regain their peace of mind. In fact so common is this practice, no matter what your price point, there's a place not too far away that can offer you respite from the rigors of life in New York City. Most of all was this overwhelming fear that I might not have what it takes to cut it at at my new job. It had all happened so fast I didn't have a chance to take stock. And here I was, a couple of glasses of wine in, sitting on the spare room bed at my friend's Long Island home, sobbing into my hands, wondering if I had just set myself up for epic failure.

I tried a succession of things to sooth my woes. Subtle pleas to my girlfriends both near and far that I need talking off the ledge. Easier said then done because when you're the one who everyone defines as brave, fearless, strong, and invincible, it's hard to get them to take you seriously when you finally need actual help. Strike one. How about journaling? I am a writer after all. Surely putting it all down on paper, stream of consciousness-style, will help me reach some sort of epiphany? For an hour I scribbled furiously in my notebook, hoping I could delve deep into my sub-conscious and clear the way for the reasons behind my sudden panic attack. Turns out, I'm far more psycho than psychotherapist. These were the illegible ramblings of a mad woman. Incoherent, aimless, and wild. Strike 2. If the 3 strike rule applies in emotional emergencies, I had better hit the right chord next. On deck... Mum.

Fancy china and designer furniture aside, there is a great comfort in knowing you can always go home. While I may be 40, sometimes all one needs is to be reminded by the one person who knows you better than anyone else on the planet, that you're gonna be ok. Three clicks of my ruby slippers (or the dial of an iPhone) and I was soon on the receiving end of my mum's heartfelt diatribe that I came to this position in life because I earned it, that I have the innate skills coupled with years of hard work that have prepared me for this moment, not to mention that feeling this way is completely, and totally NORMAL. "In fact", said mum, "It would be weird if you weren't questioning such a life changing event at SOME point. It just caught up with you today, now that you are in NY, and it's all happening." Simple, succinct and grounding. All in one fell swoop. And with that I hung up the phone, put my head on the pillow, and crashed like a mo fo.

The next day, I woke up feeling refreshed, focused and ready to hit the streets of the West Village in search of a place to live. As I walked around with my broker in the 100 degree humidity, overjoyed that the heaviness had lifted, I gratefully pondered the notion once again, that one can always go home. Not only can I call home for great advice, but it suddenly occurred to me - LA isn't going anywhere. And if by some off chance I completely blow this opportunity, what's stopping me from going back and picking up where I left off? Because where I left off was pretty damn good.

Truth be told, I know I can do it. I recently heard a statistic that a large majority of highly successful people not only doubt their abilities, but actually consider themselves frauds a good deal of the time. Yes folks, everyone from Bill Gates to Bill Clinton have, at one time or another, thought the rest of the world would figure out they had no idea what they were doing. And then suddenly they knew what they were doing because they hung in there. Only to be followed by the same doubt about the next achievement they were trying to attain. And so the cyclical journey goes. It makes sense. To think you can conquer anything without questioning it just a little, even for a moment, borders on the sociopathic, doncha think?

I did question, I questioned HARD. Even though it only lasted a few hours, it made me take stock, clear out the fear, and press reset. As anyone who has a computer knows, sometimes the best thing you can do is unplug, and start up again.

Oh and in case you're wondering how I've settled in? I'm kicking ass and taking names.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You Stylish Bitch, You - French Women



Oh French women, with your effortlessly stylish ways, I love how you communicate with your scarves, and fancy trench coats. Who needs words when Karl and Isabel, Christian and Norma are on hand to speak on your behalf?


Oh ladies of France with your laissez-faire attitude towards carbs, white flour and copious amounts of wine, both red and white. How your macaroons are ingested like pretty coloured children's vitamins and nary a word about weight shall ever pass your lips. The way you spend countless hours at sidewalk cafes, divinely dining and savoring each morsel, reveling in the joy of good company and the diversity of life as it walks by your cappuccino filled, tables.




Oh French women, how your men appreciate the way you age, and find beauty in your lines and wrinkles. How could they not, for you give them no choice- your body, age and sexuality is cause for constant celebration and celebrate you do. What is your secret?

Oh American counterparts, if only we wore frilly panties and a matching bra to take out the garbage, applied lip gloss to perform the most mundane of tasks and seductively allowed a door to be held open, instead of scowling with vitriol at the very same gesture. Ladies watch your men, for it's no accident "femme fatale" is a french expression. Is there a night class we can take?

Oh French women, Je vous admire et adore la façon que vous se déplacez par le monde. Tres bien.

Packing and Purging



“If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?” - Dr. Laurence J. Peters

The time has arrived to begin the arduous process of packing up my life in Los Angeles in preparation for the move to New York City later this month. And as I do, I have been pondering the above quote. Though I'm not cleaning out my desk exactly, it's an important question. The refining of ones life, a discarding of what doesn't work any more to make room for an influx of new opportunity and wonderment, is a practice I have long held.

While I don't particularly enjoy rooting around my dusty, spider-ridden attic, or making countless trips to the garbage and recycling bins with armfuls of waste from times long gone (why did I need 7 pairs of snowboarding pants, anyway?), there's something incredibly therapeutic about purging oneself of the things that no longer hold meaning or purpose. Sure it's hard not to get sentimental about old birthday cards, love notes, presents from grandma and photos featuring colleagues and friends you haven't spoken to in years. But with each toss into the garbage can, a small space in my energy field feels as if it's being immediately created - a space for something new, improved, and thoroughly concurrent with my needs as they stand now. Not as they were.

At 40, there seems to be a box for every decade lounging in the dark recesses of my little California Bungalow. There's the "twenties" box, complete with photos of my days in various indie rock bands, the very first piece of furniture I ever owned (a large, green futon), boyfriends I'd rather forget, and the general youthful, malay that comes with hanging out at endless concerts and clubs for the better part of ten years. Yes the countless snapshots of me with a beer in my hand (and several that show my affinity for double fisting it on big nights), arm almost always lounged across the shoulders of some random friend I haven't thought of in years but whom I once called my BEST FRIEND, such is the transient nature of that decade in general. These coincide with other assorted items including yellowed concert ticket stubs, signed guitar picks, grunge-era clothing items, and journals chock filled with my home made poetry, and partially recorded songs I was convinced would land me a huge record deal. They never did. Oh don't get me wrong; it was great fun at the time. But if I'm to be perfectly honest, the only thing that box does for me now is make me ever so grateful my twenties ARE OVER!

The "thirties" box holds more evolved memories, as it should. Gone are the halcyon days of non-stop parties, only to be replaced by such Kodak moments as my boyfriend and I ceremoniously dumping the futon at the curb and greeting the delivery guy dropping off our new custom made, mid century modern sofa, remnants of dinner parties and wine tastings, the occasional rock concert (sans beer), and work photos consisting of colleagues toiling away at respectable jobs in respectable offices, not bleary eyed, backstage blunders captured whilst on tour with my band - or as it's otherwise known, three quarters of my twenties. The thirties, while productive both career-wise (I found my path in tv) and personally (a long period of serious introspective growth and maturity), felt like a lot of work. Ten years of growing up, barfing up (all that childhood stuff) and trading up, makes Shannon a dull girl. What's next? My forties. Shit's getting good...

So here they all are, my life in boxes laid out before me, my living room turned into a sprawling, disaster zone as I walk down memory lane. I've pondered the idea of throwing the majority of their contents out before. However, I always felt compelled to hold on to them as it was impossible to conceptualize having a connection to my past if I didn't have physical proof it ever existed in the first place. Now, with such a hefty and symbolic move upon me, I feel a more pressing need to truly purge myself of the clutter. And by clutter, I mean anything that doesn't inspire or raise my vibration in a wholly positive way just by looking at it. The rest can go to hell. Or the landfill. Sure I'll hold on to the truly important stuff, but not EVERYTHING. And once I do I'll be ready to start my "forties" box.

So far the "forties" box is empty but for good reason. I've been hard at work manifesting a new, even more evolved chapter - hello New York - and I imagine once I get to my new city my box will runeth over with juicy new events. I'm hoping that when I rifle through it at 50, it will be filled with remnants of kid related tidbits - report cards, class photos, sports tournaments, music recitals and science fairs - honeymoon and a wedding photos (maybe - still pondering that whole notion), industry awards, press clippings of a career at the very top of the Hollywood heap, me in a private box at Wimbeldon and lazy summers in Tuscany, postcards from my parents, happy and healthy as they travel the world for the first time in their lives, and whatever other grand adventures I manage to conjur up with my gorgeous family in tow. Maybe this will be the first box I won't feel inclined to toss. I have a feeling it will. But first, another trip to the recycling bin.

So on that note, packing doesn't feel as arduous as it has in the past and cleaning out my proverbial desk is as enlightening as it is therapeutic. Because the only things I'm taking with me, are the things that continue to inspire me when I look at them. There's no dead weight - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I'd like to think it's all been tossed in the garbage. Along with my Frankie Goes to Hollywood t-shirt.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Shirely Valentine Revisited


I stumbled across an old favorite film of mine last night - one I haven't seen in many years - called Shirley Valentine. In it, our lead, a put upon, middle-aged, bored Liverpudlian housewife who has no idea where the sassy, outspoken, rebellious girl of her youth went, buried she is under a rubble of motherhood, working class life, and perpetual servitude at the hands of her well meaning but self-absorbed, over-worked and ultimately miserable husband. Things have turned out terribly disappointing, Shirley laments to her kitchen wall, "I realized, I've lead a little life." She wants desperately to create a more meaningful existence and rediscover her former self - but where to turn and what to do?

The answer arrives in the form of a close friend's offer to join her on a 2-week vacation to Greece. Shirley has dreamed of seeing the world but thus far, has never made it beyond the borders of Liverpool, let alone abroad. The thought of going to Greece both elates and terrifies her at the same time. What will her family do without her? After all, who is going to wait on them hand and foot, a point they make more than clear when she announces her intentions? All that aside, Shirley wonders if she really has the balls to venture away from her little life anyway. And will she like what she sees when alone with herself for the first time in over two decades? After enduring further, brutal criticism and judgment about her decision to go, a fed up Shirley sneaks away and heads for the airport, determined not to let her family deny her curiosity about the world any longer.

Predictably, though gorgeously crafted, she reconnects with her old self, stretched and forced out of the comfort zone of her "little life", until she re-emerges a woman finally comfortable in her own shoes, deeply fulfilled at having stepped out into the vast unknown - in this case Greece - and decides to stay. "There's no reason for me to come home. They'll be mad at first but at some point they'll get it." Shortly after, her husband shows up, following a series of failed attempts to get her to return to England. Shirley observes as she sees him walking down the sandy beach path towards her, "He needs a rest too, from his life. He need to relax." He walks right past her, not recognizing his reinvigorated wife at first. As he joins her at a table perched on the edge of the ocean, we fade to black knowing this remote Greek island will restore him too. And ultimately their marriage.

Though I brush this wonderful film with the broadest of strokes, Shirley's quest and introspection hit a nerve. Sure our paths have been very different. I've yet to truly be in my comfort zone, at least not for very long. I attribute much of my success in life to constantly shaking things up. Just as I get to really know an aspect of my life, I switch things up by taking the next logical, but often unnerving step to ensure my evolution and growth is a never-ending process. Shirley doesn't discover this well into her 40's. Despite her latent realization, she has reminded me to ask myself one very important questions; have I done the most with my life so far or have I wished and pissed most of it away?

My 63 year old mother often talks about the recent realization of having 20 or so years left on the planet. When that perspective hits hard, it's natural, and healthy to take stock of how one will use the remaining time to the fullest. While I may have only reached the half way mark at 40 (should all go well), I've felt a similar shake up occur since turning the corner on my fourth decade. It's half over. More or less. I think of the days and weeks I merely tolerated, wishing it were Friday, or Tuesday or some other day I thought would make me far happier than wherever I was at the time. It saddens me to think what I might have accomplished, learned, soaked up and evolved into had I taken more care with my youth and the intervening days between then and middle age? If I had only appreciated the less significant moments of my daily existence, instead of the moments on the highlight reel of my life. For isn't that what our time on earth is primarily composed of? The little things? Sure the big, shiny events are the things we talk about the most, remember fondly when we need a pick-me-up, and brag about to friends and strangers alike. But they are few and far between. It's the spaces in between that count. They are our every day.

Monday, June 28, 2010

And the Verdict Is...

The Slowest Moving Day EVER!!!


This is officially the slowest moving day in the history of slow moving days. I am awaiting final word on whether I got the big, corporate job. Any minute now my new iPhone 4 will ring, and on the other end will be Lauren from HR giving me the good word. Or not. Gulp.

She'd better do it soon. I no longer have any finger nails to bite - they've been worn down to disheveled nubs, and my stomach has more knots than a sailor rope convention. I've already drafted the thank you note to my would be new bosses, thanking them for their faith in me, and ending it with a sign off along the lines of, "You won't regret it." It's waiting in my "drafts" box, waiting to be sent, waiting to see if my future is about to get a whole lot better. I know how it feels. I sense it's getting as impatient as I am, seeing as I wrote it 4 hours ago. It was cathartic at the time, but now I think it will just make it even more depressing if I don't get the job and I have to erase it. Oh God - imagine if I sent it accidentally?

OK, must go back to watching the clock. I still have 8 strands of hair to pull out and a hang nail I can torture. Stay tuned...

On Line Dating Deal Breakers


After having several friends, and friends of friends, and brothers of friends, and passing acquaintances regale me with their personal triumphs in the world of cyber love, I've finally put my giant ego aside, and taken the plunge into on line dating.

Yes, sort of gone is my previous notion that only losers and desperate fuglies pay $20 a month to be set up with perfect strangers. After all, if I'm a member, surely there must be someone else of equal quality roaming the endless supply of profiles in search of THE ONE. In the meantime, I've become quite expert at weeding out the misfits, miscreants, and miserly misogynists with swift aplomb. Here are my on line dating deal breakers:

* Guys with eye patches.

* Guys who have their shirt off in 50% or more of their photos. Yes I get it. You have a 6 pack. But can your washboard abs hold a conversation, pay the mortgage, and do the laundry? Next...

* Dudes who have no children but make sure to include at least one photo of them holding somebody else's baby. Simply stating you WANT children is enough. I don't need photographic evidence.

* No profile photo. Just what are you hiding, anyway? I'm gonna HAVE to see you at some point - might as well get it over with now. And if you think filling out your album with sunsets, dogs and a photo essay of that biking trip you took through Tuscany last year will suffice, you've got another thing coming. I've only rifled through that bore fest to see if there's any photographic evidence of YOU. If not, enjoy your continued existence as the Invisible Man.

* The "Lonely" guy. Yeah. Sign me up for that one. Please. I want nothing more than to fill the empty void that is your life.

* Right Wingers who hit me up even though my profile clearly says no Republicans. I believe in gay marriage, pro-choice and strongly support the Arizona immigration embargo. Still wanna take me home to mom?

* The geriatric contingency. Despite stating that my preferred ceiling age is 45, getting "Winks" and emails from the 65 plus set is understandably annoying. I get what's in it for you. Can't say the reverse is quite as clear. And I refuse to hear the "Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 70" argument. Call me crazy but I'd like to think the father of my children won't be sharing the diaper supply with our off spring.

* The perpetual "Winker". You "wink". I "wink" back. You "wink" again. I begrudgingly "wink" back one final time, hoping you'll elevate things to an email. You opt for the "winking" trifecta. I block you. Twat.

* Bad grammar/spelling, etc. Call me an asshole but if you can't discern between THEIR/THERE/THEY'RE, think the concept of punctuation is for perfectionists, and possess inferior spelling skills to an 8 year old Eastern European immigrant, I suggest you move on. If I'm questioning your ability to fill out a check properly, me thinks this does not a good match make.

* The out-of-the-gate flirt. At least call me once on the phone before you start asking me what I'm wearing for Christ's sakes.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Why Aging Doesn't Suck, Reason #8 - Kathryn Bigelow


Because at the age of 58, she was the first female director EVER to win an Oscar for her heavily male-skewing, war epic The Hurt Locker, beating out heavy weight contemporaries like James Cameron, Jason Reitman and Quentin Tarantino.

Because in the same year, Time Magazine named her one of the most influential people in the world, after three decades as one of the few women at the helm of major motion pictures (Point Break, Strange Days, K-19 The Widowmaker etc). It's also worth noting that not one of her films is a romantic comedy.

Because she's maintained a healthy, collaborative friendship with her notoriously difficult ex-husband Jim Cameron, claiming they are now such good friends they often swap scripts and early versions of each other's movies. Remarkable given they both run in the same insular, cut throat, world where Hollywood directors often compete for the same tiny pool of financing and accolades.

Because she said this, "If there's specific resistance to women making movies, I just choose to ignore that as an obstacle for two reasons: I can't change my gender, and I refuse to stop making movies."

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I Wanna Be A Gibson Girl


I often wonder what sort of stance I would've taken had I been a young, woman kicking around during one of history's more oppressive times. Would I have been courageous enough to harbor jews during WW2? A suffragette marching for the right to vote? Outspoken enough to take on family in my fight to marry for love, not political ambitions during the Valencian Renaissance?

While I'll probably never know the answers to these questions, save for a sit down with a past life regressionist, what I do know is that I would've been a Gibson Girl.

The Gibson Girl is that ass kicking independent chick who roamed the US in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, forging her independence from mundane house-wifery and life-long servitude through pursuits like tennis and golf. And she was a uniquely fashionable bitch to boot. Yes this is a girl who used sports and personal style as a means of self expression and freedom. And for those of you who know me and know me well, this will ring eerily familiar.

She's currently on display in the fabulous American Woman exhibition at The Met in NYC - see my own personal photo above - a MUST SEE display of all things feminist through the ages. Thumbs up to the ladies who came before us, and who continue to march to their own drummer.

Delayed Gratification is the Sign of Maturity


"Patience is a virtue."

So on and so forth...

Rumor is the above lessons get easier as one ages. So how come I'm still waiting for relief? I find myself on the precipice of a life altering career opportunity, awaiting word from my potential, new employer that will undeniably alter the next chapter of my journey on every conceivable level - geographically, professionally, personally, romantically, quality of life. EVERYTHING. It is the dream. With only a few days to go until I get the official word as to whether the job is mine, I find myself enduring excruciating, painful feelings of limbo, and stagnancy. The fallout of being unable to move forward of my own accord has made me hate where I am right now in such an intense way, it's all I can do not to walk into my current boss's office and lay out everything I can't stand about the job, about him, his lack of integrity, his inability to see my value and talent, and how the cynical negativity I have to endure on a daily basis affects my organic, state of being which is in direct opposition to his. I'm Tigger to his Eeyore. It seems that the contrast between what my future could look like, and where it's currently at has suddenly caused me great discomfort in my previously well-worn skin. And as a 40 year old woman, shouldn't I be able to kick back and await the natural outcome without feeling this way? Delayed gratification/maturity/patience/virtue etc?

I so much want to be the guru of grace, the poster child of tranquility, the meditative master. Instead, my stomach is in knots, I have to hold back the urge to throw down with my colleagues, and I am consumed with the notion of what I will do on the off chance it doesn't happen. Except that logically I know it will. My potential new employer has pretty much laid out that I am indeed their girl. Corporations are slow moving trains and waiting out their internal machinations and protocol while due diligence is being conducted up the yin yang, is a torture I wish on no human being.

So I ask the universe what the gift in all of this is? Is this part of my growth, another lesson in a long line of things I am destined to master? Perhaps this limbo is a little taste of having to manage my natural desire to move at lightning speed. After all, if I am to hold a senior executive position at a major corporation, the rate at which decisions are made will be out of my hands so I had better get used to that now. Then there's the little matter of "self soothing", something I haven't had to do for a while. My current situation is a fresh, daily reminder that working gracefully through uncomfortable feelings and trusting the old adage that "this too shall pass" is a treasured skill set I can apply to all aspects of my life.

I am most certainly being stretched and tested. While there are moments I literally want to crawl out of my own body and find a new one (one that has a firm handle on my imminent future), I have to remind myself that this is why I am here on this earth - to be stretched and tested. The disguises in which that comes is often surprising and strange and unexpected. But who I am to tell the universe how to manage its' affairs?

In the meantime, Monday - the day of reckoning - is just around the corner. I can make it until then. Heck, I have no choice. However, what I do with the time between now and then IS my choice. I get to define who I am in all of this. So I'll redirect my thoughts to only good things, keeping those trusty endorphins coursing through my veins with some good exercise, and continue to contribute positively at work despite wanting to hand in my notice RIGHT NOW. That I can control.

Maybe just intuitively implementing this gentle plan in the interim IS actually embracing delayed gratification in a more mature way. It's entirely possible I mistook this all to mean that those who really crack the notion of patience, have a great time along the way and thus don't feel the crawling out of their skin phenomenon as I have. As I'm mulling it over now, I'm not so sure that's true. Maybe those "masters" do in fact want to jump off a bridge but have found their own, gorgeous brand of "self-soothing" in order to cope with all the waiting. I am happy to now have some sort of game plan in place, and optimistic that I am on my way to joining the ranks of virtuous patience like the rest of you adults.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

That's a Deal Breaker Ladies!


Remember your glorious twenties when almost nothing was a romantic deal breaker and physical attraction, a few drinks and one random thing in common was enough to get the relationship party started?

Well not anymore ladies. This 40 year old broad now has a laundry list of uncompromising, game enders. Without further ado, here are my deal breakers...

* Nose hair. There are tools for these, dip shits!

* Ear hair. See above.

* Over 40 and never been married. I refuse to be anyone's matrimonial litmus test. And anyway, what the hell have you been doing all these years?

* Freelance ANYTHING.

* Hummers. I might give one but I'll NEVER be seen in one. Which brings me to my next point...

* Deniers of global warming. There are no words...

* Renters. To paraphrase Simply Red, "If you don't own by now, you will never never never date me..."

* Staunch Republicans. Sanctimonious bigots need not apply.

* Fast food regulars. I don't DO paper napkin dispensers and neither should your heart.

* Hunters. The next time shooting a defenseless animal makes you feel like a man, do me this solid - hold up a ruler to what I can only imagine is your teeny, tiny penis, measure it and post the results on your Facebook status.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

You Stylish Bitch You - Kathryn Hepburn


This bitch wore pants, button down shirts and sneakers when such things - especially within the Hollywood studio "factory" that systematically pumped out generic, actresses ad nauseum - was considered the ultimate, feminine sacrilege. Hepburn often attended high powered meetings in mens suits, claiming they were merely "comfortable", and refusing to mirror the choices of her contemporaries, who were saddled with sky high girdles and invasive, garter belts.

Her powerful bosses at RKO went so far as to commandeer Hepburn's slacks...a transparent, ploy to force her into wearing a skirt. Unfazed, Kate strolled the studio lot in her underwear. Her stance clear and obviously permanent, the pants were eventually returned. By doing what came naturally, Hepburn's public mutiny became a high-profile example of independence and individuality. As Kate the Great once said:

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."

Such was her radical influence and freedom-infused style, Hepburn was awarded a highly coveted accolade by the Council of Fashion Designers of America in 1986. Her impressive flare still carries on to this day with actresses like Cate Blanchett carrying the torch.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Why Aging Doesn't Suck, Reason #99 - Kimiko Date Drumm


Because after coming out of a 12 year retirement this year, Kimiko is already the world number 72 on the WTP tennis tour.

Because the 39-year-old Japanese athlete then went on to became the second oldest woman to reach the second round of the 2010 French Open after a formidable win over former world number one Darina Safina. With a calf injury.

Because she ran the London Marathon during her retirement from tennis.

This Week's Merit Badge of Honor Goes To...

FRIDAY JONES!!!


For taking the taboo art form of tattooing, and bringing it to 5th Avenue, the word's most expensive street. This, after following a nagging suspicion twenty years ago that lawyers, doctors and fancy people might just like to express themselves in the same way military men, gangsters and blue collar workers have for decades. And boy was she right. She now counts Angelina Jolie, and Uma Thurman among her clients.

Why Aging Doesn't Suck, Reason #6 - MARIAN SELDES


Because she's still the Grande Dame of the Great White Way at nearly 82.

Because she opted to attend her BFF Angela Landsbury's 3 hour Broadway Revival shortly after breaking her shoulder, instead of going to the hospital. It would later be replaced by a titanium model such was the severity of her injury.

Because she's about to receive a Lifetime Achievement award at this year's Tony Awards after a stage career spanning 6 decades.

How Old Are You?


I've been trying to recall the exact point at which the question, "How old are you?" became an all out intrusion, a dreaded invasion of privacy so oddly disconcerting, I'll do almost anything to avoid it. Gone are the days when age was a non-entity in my life, a mere number hidden in the depths of much more important things like current boyfriends, the latest career milestone reached, apartment hunting, fights with girlfriends, shopping sprees, bars, nightclubs, boys, and full scale immersion in whatever pop culture mania had taken hold at the time. I hate that I hate this question so much. But why?

At some point, probably around the mid-thirties, "How old are you?" becomes the mortal enemy. As the forties are clearly on the horizon, an internal shift takes place, forcing one's hand towards taking a soulful inventory of all the things that simply aren't working. Unrealized dreams and goals still not attained become glaringly obvious, renting the apartment you've loved for years now feels like a second-tier option compared to buying - for isn't that what proper adults do? Certain friends suddenly feel like heavy baggage and the need to replace them with new, more evolved versions becomes readily apparent. Single-dom and the question of children are carefully scrutinized; Why am I still single? What's wrong with me? Do I really believe in marriage anyway? Can I give up a life of independence for a child at this late stage in the game? As a result, age, particularly as one hits 40, becomes a sort of unspoken benchmark for certain events to have taken place. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. And when they haven't, admitting you are not in your still-acceptable-to-be-a-fuck-up twenties and thirties, age becomes the villain in a gal's life story.

I know why revealing my age can be a painfully awkward experience. You see, I got a late start in my career. I flailed around for years having grand life experiences like fronting a rock band, modeling, acting, living in Europe, living in a squat, living with boyfriends, just plain LIVING! After finally settling on a career in Hollywood at 30, I didn't land my first real TV job until the age of 33 though it wasn't until I hit 36 I realized I had found my calling and really went full steam ahead. I've not looked back since. Now the vice president of a major production company, not to mention having created, directed, written and produced numerous movies, and tv shows, the realization that I just turned 40 still manages to creep into my head, telling me none of it is good enough.

As a bona fide perfectionist, my mind loves to entertain such unproductive thoughts such as, "If only I had started in my twenties, I'd be so much further along," or "If I was 30, my credits would be much more impressive. But at 40? Not so much." The latter stems from people often assuming I'm much younger than I am - and I wonder if they feel a sense of disappointment upon learning I am in my fourth decade of life, and therefore not nearly as accomplished as they thought I was. I've even (gulp) LIED about my age, just so as not to disappoint. Not all the time, but every so often. And that's too often, damn it. All this dramatic, self-destructive talk, and carrying on instead of honoring just how far I've come in a few short years - and my career trajectory shows no signs of slowing down either. In fact, my entire life's journey to get to this point has been rather miraculous actually, and yet I've still let turning 40 negate that.

As I re-read this passage, I am slightly ashamed to be so shallow and defined by what others MIGHT think. The truth is, I have no idea, and my accomplishments are my accomplishments regardless of my age. In fact, isn't there some sort of special accolade for having the balls to pursue one of the most competitive career tracks known to Western civilization well into my thirties? Shouldn't I embrace the fact that despite so much of my industry's need to cater to the 18-34 set, it's actually a blessing for someone my age? After all, I have been there, done that and moved successfully to the other side, garnering wisdom, and perspective into that (thankfully) bygone era. I can authentically attest to those experiences through my craft, and able to offer guidance in a way a writer/producer straight out of film school couldn't. This all sounds fine but when you work in an industry that worships youth, it's hard to admit the truth sometimes. Case in point...

Years ago, Riley Weston, a TV writer posing as a teen was hired for JJ Abrams' college-set drama Felicity - she was in fact 32. When the powers that be found out she was lying, they promptly fired her, complete with public humiliation, and a send off that branded her as permanently "black listed" from Hollywood. As far as I know, she never worked again. True, Riley lied. While I get that dishonesty is a surefire way to sour any relationship, I got the distinct impression the Fox executives were more disappointed she wasn't a teen prodigy who was still in the collegiate trenches, not that her pants were on fire. Let's be clear here. Hollywood is a town where lying is as de rigueur as oxygen, as commonplace as valet parking, and palm trees. So to use that as the reasoning behind the packing slip especially when she was consistently delivering the creative goods, well... I just didn't totally buy it.

The piece those Fox executives missed was that she was in fact the absolute perfect age to write about the college experience. She had already been through it, and not that long ago. She came out the other side with battle scars and insight in tact, with stories, characters and her own unique set of experiences to bring into the writer's room. But she wasn't 18 as she claimed. Wisdom be damned!

I've decided enough is enough. And I want to clarify that I don't always lie about my age. Just once in a while, in a pinch where I think a career opportunity might be in jeopardy. "You're only as sick as your secrets" some wise soul once said. Part of writing this blog in the first place, is to FULLY embrace my age, to document it for better or for worse, and to ultimately celebrate it in all its glory. The more we women talk about it, share our shame of aging in a culture that fears it more than death, and then come together to turn Madison Avenue on it's ear, the better chance we have of mitigating the damage to our self-esteem. I'm changing the dialogue, right here, right now. May we all endeavor to be more conscious of how we talk about other women, how we secretly judge each other, and worst of all constantly comparing ourselves. I for one, promise never to lie about my age again.



If all of this is merely pipe dream, there's always Paris. The French are known to hold a special kind of adoration for older women (Ines de la Fressange anyone?). Madison Avenue might have created this mess we're in, but we can get us out of it.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Good Art



French designer Vanessa Bruno and fellow Parisian actress/model Lou Doillon, pair up in this short film to celebrate what I can only describe as freedom, joy, and pure expression. It has nothing to do with age perse, and everything to do with the fact that when I watch it, I feel happy. What are you doing today to bring joy into your life?

See it now...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yjHou0TiDU

Friday, June 11, 2010

You Stylish Bitch, You - Carine Roitfeld

As the Editor of French Vogue, it comes as no surprise that Carine kills it in the personal style department. What makes her exceptional is that she consistently pulls off the same trends, and influences her younger counterparts do, and yet still manages to feels age appropriate - which is 56 for the record - and even outshines the models who adorn her magazine's pages. Love this bitch.

Quote of the Day - Simone de Beauvoir


"The torment that so many young women know, bound hand and foot by love and motherhood, without having forgotten their former dreams."

The Ladies of Mad Men


Though technically all 20 and 30-somethings, the ladies of Mad Men are an in-your-face reminder of just how far we've come.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Questions for the Queen

Do you ever have a good old-fashioned, ugly cry? Do you do silly dances when nobody's looking? Have you ever watched a romantic comedy? What's your favorite sitcom? Who is on your list of five celebrities you wish you could have sex with? Beatles or Rolling Stones? Do you have one frilly pair of undies you save for special occasions or are they all waist high and elasticated? What song are you most likely to karaoke? Edward or Jacob?

Quote of the Day - Madeleine Albright


"There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women."

Why Aging Doesn't Suck Reason #29 - Kim Gordon



Because at 57, she is still married to her rock star husband (and band-mate) of 26 years, an accomplishment of epic proportions in any realm, let alone the music world.

Because she was a female bass player in a non-mainstream band at a time when Madonna and Cyndi Lauper reined supreme, and inspired a new generation of girls to pick up the guitar and play, maaan.

Because she's an artist, musician, actress, clothing designer, and mother who continues to defy perceptions of women at every stage of her enthralling career.

Because Sonic Youth is still a tour du force and continues to be one of the most influential bands of the past 20 years.

The Only Child Dilemma



At 40, a currently single and motherless woman thinks two things when it comes to the possibility of having children; how many do I really want at this late stage and how much time do I actually have in which to do it safely?

There's a fight to be had for having just one. The fact that even if I met the father of my child today, I'd still want us to take the time to really get to know each other first. You know, actually be a proper couple before kids enter the fray. Perhaps not as important but still a point for consideration is that I'm an only child myself. I know what that looks like, with all the inherent challenges and pluses it encompasses. In short, I know how to do that. Well... as much as anyone can know how to raise a child without having actually done it. However, being the sole product of my parental loins is also the reason I'm seriously pondering the idea of a second one, should I have bestowed upon me the luxury of time.

Being an only child is a burden and a blessing. I was indeed an equal product of that dichotomy. The blessings are exactly what one would expect – lots of attention, an independent streak caused by having to entertain and take care of oneself for hours on end, especially when both parents work full time. Not to mention studies show that only children mature emotionally at a much faster rate. This prepared me well for the unorthodox and rather grown up adventures I would later take at a young age, like moving to London on my own as a mere teenager.

However, the burdens run aplenty too. Being an only child often comes with the suspended belief that the kind of focused attention one received growing up, will have some sort of real world application later on. It doesn't. It's a shocking realization that the entire world does not indeed revolve around you, and as a result, major shifts, attitude adjustments and a surrendering of that particular brand of narcissism must follow if one is to forge quality friendships, working relationships and fulfilling romantic encounters. Easier said than done, I can tell you.

Perhaps the most daunting burden of all, at least in my case, is that you become your parents equal, their “friend”. Therapists call it “triangulation” which sounds pretty cool in theory; you’re not treated like a kid, they talk to you like a proper adult etc. Ask any child and they'll tell you the last thing they want is to be talked down to like they're a miniature moron. In essence you're one of them which, in it's finer moments, seems like the holy grail of child/parent dynamics. And in some ways it is.

The sinister underbelly of this dynamic leaves said child feeling like they have to manage situations well beyond their maturity level, leaving many aspects of childhood in the dust. You see, my parents shared with me their marital woes, thinking I could handle the truth of their precarious marriage. For the record, they broke up twice though I am proud to say ultimately worked it out. In fact, they felt like I would actually BENEFIT from knowing the truth, so tight knit was our family. However, the damage was done. Having the familial rug pulled out from under your feet is a big burden to bear when you're still too small to ride a roller coaster. I felt compelled to pick sides and tried to hold it all together when they weren't able to. I couldn’t of course, and that made it all the worse. I was the only witness to their chaos, the moral compass in a sea of turmoil but was equipped with none of the emotional intelligence or life experience to guide the three of us through the murky waters safely to the other side. As an only child, there were no siblings to share the burden with, no other little beings with which I could seek refuge or parcel out some of the pain. I took it on, did my best until eventually they evolved past their own "stuff" and created a safer space within which to raise me for my remaining years under their roof.

Despite the tumultuous times, there was an undeniable bond, a thread of goodness that balanced out the bad. They were there for everything I did. 10 years of playing competitive sports – which meant exhaustive practice and game schedules, tournaments on weekends and major holidays - choir performances, acting auditions, parent teacher meetings. They played endless hours of board games on the floor, and created the most magical holiday celebrations a kid could ask for. We always had dinner together, went to the drive-in movies, and engaged in real conversations about life, books, art, movies, life, sex, drugs, alcohol - anything that seemed important at the time. Mum would read books with me for hours. We’d take turns reading chapters from the likes of Judy Blume and Roald Dahl, until we'd literally fall asleep on my bed. Dad would painstakingly teach me how to hit a slap shot,or sit down with root beer and pretzels as we watched the hockey game Saturday night. He could have done that with his guy friends. But he did it with me.

My parents never questioned my curiosity about the unorthodox things I was intent on exploring. I was never a traditional girl, something that hasn't changed even today. For some reason, they made that ok. Though it is my belief they would have treated all their children in the same manner, the fact that I was their sole focus has certainly contributed to my success in life, as both a career woman and a well-developed human being. They didn't have to spread their attention, time, energy and resources on anyone other than me. And if I don't mention the fact that I was never allowed to be a spoiled brat, my mother will kill me. I tried once, around the age of 5, to throw a temper tantrum in a supermarket, an outburst that was swiftly thwarted and never attempted again.

We've talked about what our house would have been like had I had siblings. It used to be hard for me to imagine ever sharing my parents, "I would've eaten them alive." But now I wonder how I might have developed differently if I did have a brother or sister. Would it have mitigated some of the pain along the way? Might I have appreciated their company in times when none of my friends were available? How fascinating would it have been to see another extension of my parents living and breathing in my midst? And who would they have become, despite being from the same environment? I'll never know the value of having someone who knows the ins and outs of my family the way that I do. There's no one else to keep the memories alive.

It would be really nice to have that bond now, that impenetrable connection and link to another human being, especially once my parents eventually pass on. I think it might be nice to experience that through my own children. I'd like to give them that. If I have time. If I don't, well I certainly know how to raise just one. And that will be just fine too.