Remember your glorious twenties when almost nothing was a romantic deal breaker and physical attraction, a few drinks and one random thing in common was enough to get the relationship party started?
Well not anymore ladies. This 40 year old broad now has a laundry list of uncompromising, game enders. Without further ado, here are my deal breakers...
* Nose hair. There are tools for these, dip shits!
* Ear hair. See above.
* Over 40 and never been married. I refuse to be anyone's matrimonial litmus test. And anyway, what the hell have you been doing all these years?
* Freelance ANYTHING.
* Hummers. I might give one but I'll NEVER be seen in one. Which brings me to my next point...
* Deniers of global warming. There are no words...
* Renters. To paraphrase Simply Red, "If you don't own by now, you will never never never date me..."
* Staunch Republicans. Sanctimonious bigots need not apply.
* Fast food regulars. I don't DO paper napkin dispensers and neither should your heart.
* Hunters. The next time shooting a defenseless animal makes you feel like a man, do me this solid - hold up a ruler to what I can only imagine is your teeny, tiny penis, measure it and post the results on your Facebook status.
This cracks me up! Laugh riot! Big up.
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